


downhill jam: tradition edition

by InvadingThoughts



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Fake Character Death, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Immortal Fake AH Crew, Multi, Swearing, reckless stunts, total disregard of human life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 21:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20052898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvadingThoughts/pseuds/InvadingThoughts
Summary: The first time they meet Fiona, it’s March and it’s Lindsay who carries her into the penthouse piggyback style. They're both absolutely fucking smashed.“Geoff. Geoff. This is Fiona and I just watched her beat a guy to a pulp with her fists,” Lindsay slurs, wavering on her feet, and from the couch, Jeremy mimes a tower falling over. Gavin and Michael snicker. “I love her,” she adds.“We’re getting married,” Fiona says, wrapping her arms around Lindsay’s neck. “Don't make me beat you up.”





	downhill jam: tradition edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smallzita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallzita/gifts).

> This is for Zita!! my second secret sunshine for the event over on the RT writers discord! Hope you enjoy! :D

The first time they meet Fiona, it’s March and it’s Lindsay who carries her into the penthouse piggyback style. They're both absolutely fucking smashed.

“Geoff. _ Geoff _. This is Fiona and I just watched her beat a guy to a pulp with her fists,” Lindsay slurs, wavering on her feet, and from the couch, Jeremy mimes a tower falling over. Gavin and Michael snicker. “I love her,” she adds.

“We’re getting married,” Fiona says, wrapping her arms around Lindsay’s neck. “Don't make me beat you up.”

Geoff sighs and Jack reaches up to grab another plate to add to the dining table. “She’ll fit right in,” Geoff says, before lurching forward in an attempt to catch the toppling drunk totem.

After that, Fiona comes and goes as she pleases. She’s a firecracker doused in gasoline, with no hesitation to start swinging at the mere mention of a fight. Ryan takes her out on one of his weekly chaos runs, and then by the next week, it becomes a tradition to find the two of them on the nightly _ Weasel News _, reporting about their trail of destruction through the city.

Fiona adapts instantly. It does take a bit longer for them to find out shes immortal too, though.

It's nothing like how they learn about Alfredo, through the sound of a sniper shot and a limp body; but instead, it’s seven months in when they’re cargo-bobbing motorcycles up to the top of Maze Bank and an angry Fiona face-times Michael demanding to know why she wasn't invited.

“Look,” Geoff starts, before instantly floundering and tossing a desperate glance to Jack. 

Jack rolls his eyes. “We just wanted to keep you safe. There’s an eighty percent chance someone’s gonna get thrown off this roof and we didn't want it to be you.”

“Jacks lying,” Michael says, “it’s a one hundred percent chance of death, and plus, you don't have the skill to cheat death like we do.”

“One,” Fiona lists, and instantly they all realise they’re fucked. “You’ll let me come on heists where cops constantly shoot at us but draw the line at me riding a motorbike on a helipad, in some sort of failed fucking safety attempt? Two, who says I can’t cheat death too, huh? You really think I’d be doing all this dangerous shit if I didn't already know I can’t die?”

“Yes,” Jeremy says.

“Yeah.” Matt nods.

“Oh god yeah,” Ryan adds and Fiona huffs.

“Shut up. Don’t be fucking rude.”

“Well, maybe you should have fucking told us you can't die right from the beginning. Don't you think that would have been a helpful thing to know, huh?” Michael retorts, moving to drape himself over Gavin’s shoulders.

“I thought Lindsay told you,” She replies, and seven confused faces turn to stare at each other.

“No? Why would she know?” Geoff asks.

“Uhhh? The first night we met I literally got stabbed and bled out during a fucking fight outside the club we were at. She watched me die and then sit back up, and start fighting again.”

“I do kinda remember her saying something like that,” Jeremy whispers and Michael rolls his eyes. 

“You’re talking about Lindsay here. We’ve learnt not to believe anything she says. She’s the wildcard for a reason, Fiona. If you wanted us to know, then you would have told Geoff—”

“Don’t tell Geoff,” Jack interrupts and Geoff shoots him a betrayed look.

“You would have told Jack,” Michael corrects, watching Jeremy and Ryan circle around Gavin's designated bike with two cans of gasoline in their hands.

“Whatever,” she says, and through the phone, a car door slams. “Just don't start without me, fuckers. I’ll be there soon.” Helicopter rotors start and Michael hangs up, cutting off the sound.

By the time she gets up there, in a cargobob dangling her own freshly stolen bike, Ryan’s set Gavin on fire and Matt’s destroyed his own bike. The game gets postponed even further when Fiona’s cargobob catches on the side of the building after she parachutes out, and ends up blowing Jeremy off the roof; all the while lighting the ring of gasoline around Gavin’s bike. 

It takes them a half an hour to set it all back up and everybody dies after two minutes of playtime; but it’s Fiona's first death activity and Jack manages to snap a picture of Gavin flying through the air at some point, so all in all, they call it a success.

Two weeks after they find out Fiona’s like them, Geoff suggests the age-old tradition. 

Michael’s watching Gavin feed Jeremy handfuls of melted marshmallows when the oldest gent bursts in, waving his keys at Fiona who’s also watching the mess from the other couch. 

“I just realised we can do a downhill jam with Fiona now!”

“What?” Fiona asks, pulling a face when Jeremy starts choking. Gavin doesn't stop, and Michael sighs.

“It’s our greatest death game,” Geoff announces, taking a step closer. ”We’ll show you. I’m not gonna ruin the surprise. Gavin. Jeremy. Knock that off, would ya. We’re going to Mt Chiliad.”

He doesn't wait for them, just spins on his heel and barges into both Jack’s and Ryan’s rooms, yelling mumbled words about Chiliad as he dials his phone for the others. Once Jeremy can breathe again, they all pile up into two cars and head for Chiliad. It takes twenty minutes for all the lawnmowers to be delivered, but once they're there, each member takes a seat on one and then Geoff’s spreading his arms wide, grinning.

“Welcome to the family, Fiona,” he announces, trying and failing to rev the mower’s engine. “First one to the bottom of Chiliad alive wins. If you fall off without dying, you can get back on. If you’re dead, you’re _ dead _. Let's go!”

Eleven motorbike engines start at once, and then they’re all tumbling down the mountain, a cacophony of screams filling the air. At some point, Matt’s mower hits mock speed and shoots out from underneath him and hits Ryan off his own. 

It takes two seconds before Jeremy starts cheating, shooting at Gavin from his mower before blowing himself up on one of Jack's proximity mines. By the end, its Jack who wins, but they're too all bruised and giggling to care.

“Rematch!” Trevor calls, and the second time around is even worse. By the time they quit and head back to the penthouse, Gavin’s died seven times and Geoff’s slipped down the mountain by accident twice. 

It's a perfect day.

Later, when they’re back in the penthouse, Michael finds himself with an unconscious Gavin in his arms and a dozing Jeremy against his side.

Fiona drops onto the couch across from them with an exhausted sigh. 

“You enjoy downhill jam day?” he asks, laughing when she turns a glare on him. Hot air puffs against his neck, and Michael shivers. Jeremy hums a soft laugh.

“That was so fucking dumb, I can’t believe you guys talked me into it. Whose idea was that, to begin with anyway?”

“Geoff,” they mumble in sync. 

Fiona rolls her eyes, and Michael smiles. “You had fun though, didn’t you.” It’s not a question.

She pauses for a moment before breaking out into a grin. “Yeah, it was awesome. What other traditions are there that I can join in on, huh?” she asks, lounging against the arm of the couch. 

She looks perfectly at home in the penthouse and Michael’s not surprised. She’s perfect for them, just chaotic enough to put up with their stupid schemes, but smart and tough enough to give just as good as she gets when it comes to group shenanigans. 

Beside him, Jeremy answers. “Fishing jamboree,” he mumbles.

“You need to make a heist. Matt’s lazy ass is still technically the next on the list, but if you think of something first, I'm sure Geoff’s tired enough of waiting for him,” Michael adds, letting his eyes slip closed. He won't fall asleep, just rest for a second.

“You gotta get your lads tattoo,” Jeremy says, presenting her his knuckles and Fiona makes a noise of disagreement. “C’mon, we all got one!”

“There's no fucking way. That would hurt like shit, Jeremy!” 

Their argument falls into the background as Michael dozes off, surrounded by his family in the safety of the penthouse. He's asleep by the time Fiona gets Jeremy into a headlock, but the sound of them shattering the living room glass table means it doesn’t last long. 

He still loves them though.


End file.
